10 Things parents should care while looking for an Alliance
Prepare Your Ward :
It is common to hear “My Son / Daughter does not want to marry now”, “He/She wants to be independent or stand on his / her feet”, “He / She wants to enjoy life before getting married”.
Dear Parents, if you want your child to come up and say that he/she is ready for marriage, you are totally mistaken. You are on the wrong path if you don’t pursue them in the right age of marriage. According to present statistics, the right age for girls is 22 to 26, and for the boy is 26 to 30 years. Parents should talk to their children about marriage before seeking an alliance or talking to somebody about it. At the right age, it is very important to escort your boy/girl and prepare them mentally, physically, and socially for the marriage. Discussions about the marriage with your ward will certainly open up the choices. Understand their requirements. Many times they prefer to look for an alike of some known person. It is important to understand what kind of preview they have to be their spouse.
Time and again your plan may change in this exercise, so you need to make certain adjustments. If you are adamant, it will take long,er and also it may not end your quest.
Prepare Your ward’s Profile :
Once your ward gives a green signal, prepare a good bio-data in a neat format about him/her with all details including his/her Date of Birth, Height, Body type, Education, Occupation, Gotra, Nakshatra (Star), Rashi (Moon Sign), Family Details and your partner preference. Do not carry or post old photographs/casual photos. Do not use photographs with Goggles or Hat. The too casual or too artistic photographs will always be a disadvantage. People hesitate to call this a market, but surely it has become one, so make sure your Bride / Groom is properly described and attractive.
If you are particular with astrology, visit your astrologer and get the list of Star/ Moon sign matching your ward’s and keep it handy. Around 70%-80% of parents will at least look to match the basic details in the horoscope. To caution you – Leaning too much on astrology is definitely hazardous.
Most of the profiles will have a partner preference as Caring, Loving, Understanding, responsible, etc, but unfortunately, no one says they don’t have such characters. So these things are for you to find in the partner when you meet.
Understand the World :
Certainly, the trends change every 4-5 years, It is important for you to understand the facts and situations at the moment about marriage alliances.
Meet some marriage brokers or counselors to know the present trends and requirements of the opposite gender. Discuss with them what you are looking for in Bride / Groom. It is very important to analyze the negative points of your ward according to the facts of today’s arena. It is also important to convey the same to your ward.
Since most of the girls are no longer dependent on Men for survival, things have changed from the past (the time you got married). So your speculations could go wrong if you don’t understand today’s circumstances.
On the other hand, Parents tend to believe that the only way to smartness in a groom is Academic qualifications, Company they work, and Income. This is erroneous.
Your Goal and Responsibility :
To MATCH -the permutation and combinations are many and NOT TO MATCH- is just one. So, No response, rejections, and failed talks have become common. More flexibility in your selection is directly proportional to the ease of getting the bride/groom.
Reasons to say “NO” may not be as harsh as keeping someone behind you. Do not have 2 minds either to Say No or Yes, but when you are rejecting or accepting the proposal, be double-sure.
Any decisions related to marriage, look at things from the perspective of your children’s future, and how it may affect them or benefit them rather than your own immediate needs.
The most commonly heard verses “My son is coming to India for 15-20 days, and we are looking for a bride to get married before he leaves”. Many alliances broke when the marriage takes place in a short time. Even though you are financially prepared and can arrange the marriage in no time, do not do it in urgency. Have ample time between the time of your first meet and the marriage. Engagement may not be necessary, but to understand the families, you will have a certain time and reason with it. At least 4-6 months gap should be fair enough. It is necessary for both families to meet and discuss to understand each other. It is also essential for the bride and groom to meet personally and understand each other during the period. If the Bride or Groom complain about the other and cannot cope up, think twice before taking the next step.
If the Bride and Groom do not develop the “unnecessary reason” to talk to each other, there is a hitch.
How Important is Community Groups and Sub Groups :
Turning specific to Brahmin Community, People often tend to worry about the ritual differences in different groups or subgroups. Parents should also analyze what rituals they are following today and how good their wards will follow the same. Problems could arise for sure if the marriage takes place between different groups or subgroups, but the reality of life is that marrying someone from your own group /subgroup doesn’t guarantee fewer problems.
A common requirement is the compatibility of the families and the maturity to be able to respect each other to some basic extent. If that cannot happen, that’s a lifelong pain that will suck away any happiness in your life. It is better not to differentiate between other groups or subgroups in the present scenario.
If you are looking for an alliance for your boy/girl at a very young age, initially you can search for a groom/bride in the same group or subgroup. The only advantage of going with the same group or subgroup is that you may find some common relatives as security. Sincere advice is that do not prolong with this too much.
Where to Approach :
“A known devil is better than an unknown angel”, the proverb says it all. Initially, it is always better to look for the bride/groom in your known family and friends circle, where you are sure about the bride/groom and their families. Look and approach your friends and relatives for some matches.
The next step you can take is to approach the brokers / Marriage bureau / Brahmin Matrimony websites. But understand, Brokers / Marriage bureau/websites exchange the details that you or the other person had given. They cannot guarantee you anything about Bride, Groom, or their family. Complete responsibility to analyze or know about the bride/groom or their family is yours.
Proposals – Before you say YES or NO :
Any proposals, always take your time to analyze the profiles. Check twice if everything is matching or in the frame of adjustment. Most commonly, parents approach the other parties without consent from their ward. This is self-destruction. Take time from your ward, discuss with them in the calm before sending or accepting a proposal.
Youngsters surely will analyze the bride/groom through social media such as Facebook, Linkedin, etc,. Activeness on Social Media, Friends, Photos & Videos, Groups they are tagged, Likes & comments, Etc. will certainly be helpful to evaluate the proposal.
If your child rejects any proposal, try to understand the reason. If you find his/her reason is not judicious, you must be friendly enough to guide them. It is equally vital to convey the reason for your ward if you reject a proposal.
First Meet – What to Look:
It’s always better to meet at the bride/groom’s place since both the families get many answers without questioning. People often complain that the words will spread to their neighbors and it will be an embarrassment if rejected. Stop at once, they will not help you to dig out your problems.
It is always good to convoy a proficient person (someone from your family) who can analyze properly for you when the bride and groom families meet for the first and subsequent meeting till the alliance is finalized. Always be ready with some safe questions to talk with parents. A silent gathering will definitely not bear the fruit.
A personal discussion between the bride and groom is necessary. They generally know what to discuss but caution them that more personal questions during the first instance may be harsh. Do not come to conclusion on the spot.
Kindle your Bride / Groom about their personal discussion. Take time, discuss with your wards before accepting/rejecting.
What’s Next :
In the case of unknown tie-ups, it is important for you to cross-check about the Bride / Groom and also allow the opposite side to do the same.
Every family will have problems, In spite of that, if they are close-knit with the first circle, it is a better choice. Though All-IS-WELL, It is good to finalize the alliance after the second meeting of families. This time you need to meet in the other place, rather than meeting again in the first. The post picture says it all, till you find a suitable matching you need to Plan & Prepare and perform because time actions as long as your
But Most Important is TRUST YOUR VIBES.